Changes

We've had a lot of changes in the past few weeks. I have been extremely busy and as you can tell I haven't blogged for quite some time. I even shut the blog down for a bit, but I know my family keeps up with me here so I put it back up.

Meskerem is doing very well. She has fit into our family like a glove on a hand. She's full of life, energy, affection, and happiness.

The first week she was with us though, it wasn't going well, for me. She was having the time of her life, while I thought, "What have I done?" again. I always get like that the first few days of a new adoption. I did that with one of the littles when she was a baby. I thought she hated me and wanted to give her back. Now I can't imagine my life without her.

I cried and cried the first week. I thought I couldn't do it, go through with this adoption. Her behavior was so over the top. Not that she was naughty per se, but very brash and prickly. Not at all what I had conjured up in my mind. My praying friends from church, online, and homeschooling all started praying for me.

It's better. But for my sanity and for the good of the adoption I enrolled six of my children in public school. I tried homeschooling one day with all the kids even Meskerem. That went downhill fast. So many needs at so many different levels and I can't even form a word right because of my Bell's Palsy.

I have four make that five that are learning to read. I have some older kids who are behind academically who are very distracted by all the noise in the house when trying to study. I have kids who come from extreme malnourishment and poverty. I have given all I have for in the home education realm for twenty-three years, but I needed a break. I still had two at home.

But then one wanted to come back home. He was too far behind academically to feel comfortable in a class.

Then another wanted to come home. She is a loner and really didn't like the classroom setup.

Then I brought our oldest daughter at home back home. I helped her one night with her homework and she had to answer questions on The Federalist Papers and learn the first twenty elements on the Periodic Table of the Elements.

Ummm....I'm NOT GOING TO SCHOOL!!! I didn't understand the questions and the content, how was she going to understand it? How would I ever be able to explain to her in a simple enough way for her to understand? I couldn't!!! She's learning at a fourth grade level right now, she wasn't ready to jump up to eighth grade learning. Someday she'll be there, but not now. I do have to brag on her just a little. She just finished her grade 3 math and science and started her grade 4 learning. She hasn't even been here four years and she's already learned how to read (simply), do math, science, history and language for grades K-3. Pretty darn good if you ask me!

So now I have three at the school. It's a little charter school on the local Indian Reservation by our house. Abi absolutely loves school. She loves everything about it. Meskerem who goes by the name Amy at school loves school and is smart as a whip, but somedays wants to stay home because Addis and Anna are home. Adah loves school, but misses momma. The principal has said she is a very smart girl and medical school could be in her future-that's how smart she is. Addis & I think she's going to be cop because she loves to make sure everyone is following the rules and lets us know if there is any kind of infraction!

We've had a young friend get into a situation that affected our family very deeply. It's a tragic story, but God is in control and He knows best.

We have a close friend who has been diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma. This was within a week of our younger friend's situation. We were grieving for about two weeks and I think we're finally coming out of it.

There is no news on our Ethiopian adoption. We're getting quite frustrated on our end that nothing is happening (that we know of) on her case. Adoptive friends tell us they see her and play with her, but she was supposed to be here months and months ago. We need to update our homestudy, but that's another $700+. We feel as though we're chasing our tail and continuously going around in a circle.

After the thousands and thousands of dollars we put into adopting Meskerem the homestudy update and travel fees needed for Little A seem very out of reach right now. I'm taking some curriculum and cookbooks to sell at our co-op to raise some funds.

I'll post pics in a few days.

Christmas Day

Can we say overwhelmed? If you're the mom of the family you know how stressful Christmas is. It isn't supposed to be but it is. As the mom I'm the one that needs to make sure this is the Christmas to be remembered. I'm the one who gets blamed if the gifts don't meet up to expectations. I'm the one who puts the pressure on myself, but others do as well.

I got up early to lay the stockings out and Em heard me. Her body clock says it's three hours ahead so she was ready to get up. We snuggled for a bit, but one by one the other children were up as well.

We opened our presents and then we all got ready and went to church. We normally don't go to church on Christmas Day but the years when Christmas falls on Sunday we go if we can. Everyone was excited to meet Em for the first time and she was overwhelmed and would run when introduced to anyone new. During Children's Church the children participated in a Happy Birthday Jesus party singing Christmas songs and indulging in birthday cake.

We had a great time with our church family but it was time to go home. At home I was serving the Christmas dinner and extended family was coming to our house. I was running on fumes at this point since two days before I had traveled literally all day and then the whole Christmas Eve tradition the next day, add in a new family member which involves new family dynamics.

I ended up in my room crying and very upset about something and didn't enjoy the Christmas dinner with everyone. Two of my sons came up to find out what was wrong with me. I'm not a cryer so when I cry it seems as though everyone is on high alert. Since my Bell's Palsy hit I have cried more in the past few months than the past thirty something years combined.

We muddled through the day and although I wish I could say it was as enjoyable as they have been in the past I would not be telling the truth. I was overtired and when I'm overtired, really exhausted, I'm useless. This happened to me in Ethiopia four years ago when we adopted two babies. We literally landed in Ethiopia, unloaded our items at the guest house, and left to pick up our two girls, my sixteen year old daughter and myself. I was useless and traumatized that trip. This reminded me of those feelings.

I have some great pictures of the girls in their dresses. Adah and Em fight like cats and dogs and then are best friends. Anna just stays out of the mix. She's a peacemaker that girl.  I need to find out where the pics are on my computer and then I'll post them. They are most certainly the cutest things!

I do have to say that I was so blessed to have my Jesse boy and Sage home for Christmas. I am blessed in so many ways and the only thing that could have made it any better would have been for my daughter and her family to have been able to make it home too.

Christmas Eve

The day started bright and early here in sunny So Cal. Em and the girls went out to the playground to get some energy off. I sent Addis outside to take some pictures.

The day went really well. We were all getting to know one another. I purposefully would pull Em to me every hour and give her kisses upon which she would squeal to get away but really wanted more. At one point she wanted off so I let her off, she took two or three steps, turned around and said, "Okay, just one more." She LOVED all the attention and affection she was getting. Daddy was giving her kisses and whisker rubs which she said she detested but then again wanted more. So funny.

Christmas Eve night we walked through Starlight Circle and looked at Christmas lights. It was a little difficult trying to keep three little girls on the sidewalk and not in people's yards where they were stepping on wires and such but we were able to contain the masses.

It was overwhelming for her to come into such a new situation right at Christmas but I believe it was perfect.

Christmas Eve Steve and I spent the night wrapping and getting the stockings stuffed. It was a very exciting and overwhelming day for all to say the least.

Traveling to and meeting our new daughter

I showed up at the airport bright and early since in San Diego we need to be at the airport 1 1/2 hours before a flight. I sat next to two sisters who were flying home to take care of their deceased elderly mother's affairs. They were great traveling companions. Through the flight they asked me if I was flying home to family or what my story was. I explained to them and they were pretty much dumbfounded yet excited. They couldn't believe that I had never met Em. They couldn't believe that she would just get on a plane with me. They couldn't believe we didn't have any animals. I think nine children in the home and three grandchildren are enough to take care of. I really didn't need a gerbil, snake or dog as they suggested. One lady only had one daughter so we came from very different backgrounds, and I'm sure she had all the time in the world to take care of gerbils, snakes, and dogs.

I had a layover in Baltimore. Turns out I was ten minutes from my sons house but he was at my house in San Diego. :-) As I was looking at the board with all the flights I realized I could possibly get home that same day instead of spending the night at a hotel and getting to the airport very early. I asked the clerk at the counter and she said that yes it was possible, but I would need to fly standby and take care of it at the next stop. I started communicating with the other mom and it was agreed that they would have Em at the gate if possible.

The next flight went okay except I had probably the biggest person on the plane sitting next to me. You know how that goes. At least I had the seat next to the window so that gave me a little more cushion on the side than if I were in the middle.

My eye was really bothering me at this point. I have Bell's Palsy and my eye doesn't close. Between the dryness on the plane, the inability for it to blink, and the altitude my eye was a mess. I just tried to keep my eyes closed to let it rest. It bothered me for days after but it's fine now as far as being irritated.

As soon as I got to my destination I got off the plane and looked around for Em. I didn't see her so I went to the ticket counter and asked if it was possible to get home. It was confirmed that I could so the clerk started booking my flight. I had two problems. The plane I had just gotten off of was the same plane I needed to get back on and they were starting to board. The other problem was that Em was nowhere to be seen.

I explained to the clerk that I needed to have my daughter only she wasn't there and I not only didn't know where she was, I had never seen her in person before. I got directions to their security gate because I thought that she wasn't able to get past it since she didn't have a ticket.

As soon as I started walking toward the gate, I spotted them. Mom, Dad, and Em. I gave all three of them a hug and said hello to Em. She shied away from me and hid behind Dad. She told me later that she thought I was a monster because my smile is off from the Bell's Palsy. The left side of my face is paralyzed and I have a goofy smile for now.

Amazingly they had already had a boarding pass for her and that enabled them to get through security. They said their good-byes and it was time to go to the ticket counter and gather my tickets. I have no idea what was going through her mind at this time. How does a six year old process this situation? I couldn't even process the situation.

We got settled into our seats and got to know each other. There was a nice younger lady sitting next to us. I explained to her that this was my new daughter and we had just met. Without saying it I was letting her know I have no idea how this ride is going to go and I apologize ahead of time for sitting next to you.

I unloaded the little presents we had bought her, a snowman blanket, a doll, a Dora doodle pad, a stuffed dog, some snacks. She settled back trying to take in all that was happening to her. After a few minutes of resting she took out the notebook her other mom had given her and she drew two pictures. One picture was a mom and dad and she wrote, "I miss you mommy and daddy", the second picture she drew two girls and she wrote, "I miss you too M and M."  I was glad she was drawing her feelings. I'm sure she was unable to express them, and who was I that she would trust me with such feelings?

                        
Earlier in the year Steve & I went to the Orphan Summit in KY and heard Dr. Karyn Purvis speak. The one thing I remember her talking about was saying YES as much as you possibly can when trying to bond and form attachments. She would create situations in her office where Yes was most likely always the answer. Why would we want to say yes? These kids come from a place of broken trust and hard lives. They are not in situations that our birth children have been in where they have learned to trust from day one. When our children are born we say YES! I will feed you. YES! I will change your diaper. YES! I will pick you up because you are crying, etc....  So we try to create situations now where we can form attachements and trust by saying yes as much as possible and leaving the negative situations aside when we can.

Back to the story. During the flight I realized I did not have a boarding pass for the next plane. I either gave both of mine to the clerk in Ohio or I received too many for Em. Either way I needed a ticket to get on the plane in Denver. As soon as we landed we headed to the ticket counter and they were able to get me a boarding pass. Em was hungry by this time but we only had time for a bathroom break and to get to our gate where our plane was already boarding. We crashed through the oncoming line of people that were deboarding another plane so that we could march up to the front since they were calling for family boarding. We made it! We passed a whole line of people waiting to get on and I couldn't believe it but the first row of seats was empty. We quickly grabbed those and settled back in.

Since it was late for Em I got her to quiet down and she fell asleep which allowed me to fall asleep. We landed in Cali about 11pm or so and Em met daddy for the very first time. She was so delighted. He carried her on his shoulders I think. She was so tired and her legs just couldn't walk as far as we needed to walk.

Since I had told her on our last flight that I would order her a Sprite and when they delivered the drinks she was sleeping and I knew she had been hungry earlier I had Steve drive through McDonald's so she could trust that when I said I would get her a Sprite I would do so.

We got home and all the kids were up just waiting for us to walk in the door. It was extra special because Jesse & Sage were also home and they were as excited as everyone else was. They all said their hellos and welcomes and then we got ready for bed. Whew. The next day was Christmas Eve. I hadn't even wrapped one single thing and now I had a whole new dynamic to get through.