I showed up at the airport bright and early since in San Diego we need to be at the airport 1 1/2 hours before a flight. I sat next to two sisters who were flying home to take care of their deceased elderly mother's affairs. They were great traveling companions. Through the flight they asked me if I was flying home to family or what my story was. I explained to them and they were pretty much dumbfounded yet excited. They couldn't believe that I had never met Em. They couldn't believe that she would just get on a plane with me. They couldn't believe we didn't have any animals. I think nine children in the home and three grandchildren are enough to take care of. I really didn't need a gerbil, snake or dog as they suggested. One lady only had one daughter so we came from very different backgrounds, and I'm sure she had all the time in the world to take care of gerbils, snakes, and dogs.
I had a layover in Baltimore. Turns out I was ten minutes from my sons house but he was at my house in San Diego. :-) As I was looking at the board with all the flights I realized I could possibly get home that same day instead of spending the night at a hotel and getting to the airport very early. I asked the clerk at the counter and she said that yes it was possible, but I would need to fly standby and take care of it at the next stop. I started communicating with the other mom and it was agreed that they would have Em at the gate if possible.
The next flight went okay except I had probably the biggest person on the plane sitting next to me. You know how that goes. At least I had the seat next to the window so that gave me a little more cushion on the side than if I were in the middle.
My eye was really bothering me at this point. I have Bell's Palsy and my eye doesn't close. Between the dryness on the plane, the inability for it to blink, and the altitude my eye was a mess. I just tried to keep my eyes closed to let it rest. It bothered me for days after but it's fine now as far as being irritated.
As soon as I got to my destination I got off the plane and looked around for Em. I didn't see her so I went to the ticket counter and asked if it was possible to get home. It was confirmed that I could so the clerk started booking my flight. I had two problems. The plane I had just gotten off of was the same plane I needed to get back on and they were starting to board. The other problem was that Em was nowhere to be seen.
I explained to the clerk that I needed to have my daughter only she wasn't there and I not only didn't know where she was, I had never seen her in person before. I got directions to their security gate because I thought that she wasn't able to get past it since she didn't have a ticket.
As soon as I started walking toward the gate, I spotted them. Mom, Dad, and Em. I gave all three of them a hug and said hello to Em. She shied away from me and hid behind Dad. She told me later that she thought I was a monster because my smile is off from the Bell's Palsy. The left side of my face is paralyzed and I have a goofy smile for now.
Amazingly they had already had a boarding pass for her and that enabled them to get through security. They said their good-byes and it was time to go to the ticket counter and gather my tickets. I have no idea what was going through her mind at this time. How does a six year old process this situation? I couldn't even process the situation.
We got settled into our seats and got to know each other. There was a nice younger lady sitting next to us. I explained to her that this was my new daughter and we had just met. Without saying it I was letting her know I have no idea how this ride is going to go and I apologize ahead of time for sitting next to you.
I unloaded the little presents we had bought her, a snowman blanket, a doll, a Dora doodle pad, a stuffed dog, some snacks. She settled back trying to take in all that was happening to her. After a few minutes of resting she took out the notebook her other mom had given her and she drew two pictures. One picture was a mom and dad and she wrote, "I miss you mommy and daddy", the second picture she drew two girls and she wrote, "I miss you too M and M." I was glad she was drawing her feelings. I'm sure she was unable to express them, and who was I that she would trust me with such feelings?
Earlier in the year Steve & I went to the Orphan Summit in KY and heard Dr. Karyn Purvis speak. The one thing I remember her talking about was saying YES as much as you possibly can when trying to bond and form attachments. She would create situations in her office where Yes was most likely always the answer. Why would we want to say yes? These kids come from a place of broken trust and hard lives. They are not in situations that our birth children have been in where they have learned to trust from day one. When our children are born we say YES! I will feed you. YES! I will change your diaper. YES! I will pick you up because you are crying, etc.... So we try to create situations now where we can form attachements and trust by saying yes as much as possible and leaving the negative situations aside when we can.
Back to the story. During the flight I realized I did not have a boarding pass for the next plane. I either gave both of mine to the clerk in Ohio or I received too many for Em. Either way I needed a ticket to get on the plane in Denver. As soon as we landed we headed to the ticket counter and they were able to get me a boarding pass. Em was hungry by this time but we only had time for a bathroom break and to get to our gate where our plane was already boarding. We crashed through the oncoming line of people that were deboarding another plane so that we could march up to the front since they were calling for family boarding. We made it! We passed a whole line of people waiting to get on and I couldn't believe it but the first row of seats was empty. We quickly grabbed those and settled back in.
Since it was late for Em I got her to quiet down and she fell asleep which allowed me to fall asleep. We landed in Cali about 11pm or so and Em met daddy for the very first time. She was so delighted. He carried her on his shoulders I think. She was so tired and her legs just couldn't walk as far as we needed to walk.
Since I had told her on our last flight that I would order her a Sprite and when they delivered the drinks she was sleeping and I knew she had been hungry earlier I had Steve drive through McDonald's so she could trust that when I said I would get her a Sprite I would do so.
We got home and all the kids were up just waiting for us to walk in the door. It was extra special because Jesse & Sage were also home and they were as excited as everyone else was. They all said their hellos and welcomes and then we got ready for bed. Whew. The next day was Christmas Eve. I hadn't even wrapped one single thing and now I had a whole new dynamic to get through.
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