July 2013

We've been so busy these past few months. I've either been too busy, the internet is out, or I haven't felt like blogging. We're going to the beach later today since Joel starts school next week. I'm not feeling the best so I'm wasting spending time at my computer.

After Joe graduated in June, John and Joel went to Mexico for their annual Junior High Mission weekend. They help out a missionary couple and play with the kids there. We had VBS the last week in June, and I was the craft lady. I don't think I should have done it because I was quite grouchy all week. I didn't feel called to do it, but did it more because I was asked, which is and isn't a good reason. I never really got excited about it like I usually do.

We've been swimming and to the beach.

 



We welcomed July with M receiving weekly sessions with the Burn Institute of San Diego. Her counselor is helping her delve into her feelings about her hand, and come up with things to say when people ask what is wrong with her hand. We've made GREAT strides in her security just since the beginning of July, and after going to Burn camp I think she realizes she is NOT GOING to another family. We're it. She wasn't so sure we were picking her up after camp, but she was exhilarated to see us!  She's been with us since Christmas 2011 and after all her moving around you can see why that thought would be in the back of her mind. She certainly was bumped around for her first years. At the end of this month she will have been with us the same amount of time that she was in her last family-twenty months. We learned two important things this week and the healing that has taken place just since Monday is remarkable. She feels safe enough to let us know what has happened in her little world. We love her so much.

                                      


Steve and I went to see Fleetwood Mac in concert. Oh my goodness, do they know how to put on a show. I love them.

Scotty Boy had his second birthday, but we went to Palm Desert for our annual get-away for a few days. There was a bad fire in the nearby mountains so we didn't get outside like we normally do because the air quality was horrible.

Scotty's mom had a another baby at the end of the month. Little Stephen Daniel made his appearance into the world on July 31.

 

 

 

 

 

Heavier Subject

I came across this blog through a facebook friend who was posting about it so others could see how hard life is for her adopted children. As I read it, I saw myself being described. Not all of it, not the sweats and the fetal position, not now-in the past when I was a teen, yes, but not now.

It's a heavy subject and there are cuss words in it. If you don't want to read those, then don't go to the link. If you've ever been a victim at the hands of someone else, then maybe you can relate too.  I Was a Foster Kid  I wasn't a foster kid, this was in my own family. Imagine how confusing that was!

Treadmill, Thrift Store Run & Odd Girl Out

I finally got back to the gym after taking about two months off. I stopped going because I was sick, and then I just never got back into the groove of going. My house needed cleaning, everyday big-time, but it's a little more in control now.

I was able to go and walk two miles which is a start. I try and keep my treadmill pace at 3.5 once I get warmed up. I try and go up to 3.6, but I get worn out faster, so I drop it back down. My heart rate should be 110% when I'm going, but it doesn't seem to get up to that until I'm almost done. The trainer told me a few months ago that I'm in better shape than I think I am, probably because I have three lower elementary aged girls I have to keep up with, and a three year old granddaughter I usually have a few times a week.

On Friday afternoons I used to take myself out to Ross, Target and run any errands I needed to run for the week. I've been stalking the library bookstore but it wasn't open yet. I headed over to Goodwill which is the next best thing.

I found some clothes for the four youngest girls, some badly needed coffee mugs-Pier 1 and Food Network-yay!, and some books.

 I found a book that piqued my interest-Odd Girl Out; The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls by Rachel Simmons. It was in new condition and this is an issue we've been dealing with at school and at church. The book I found was not this version, but the first edition. The one pictured is the new and revised version with cyber bullying and helping girls handle the dangers of life online.

  Rachel Simmons: Odd Girl Out

From her website: When Odd Girl Out was first published, it became an instant bestseller and ignited a long-overdue conversation about the hidden culture of female bullying. Today, the dirty looks, taunting notes, jealousy and social exclusion that plague girls’ friendships have gained new momentum in cyberspace; we need fresh, innovative strategies to help our girls come through it all.





I'm hoping this book gives us some insight and answers to behaviors. We as a family are just not like that. We try to see the best in everyone, be helpful, go outside ourselves to help others feel welcome. Not so much with girls we know. We've gone to a baseball game with our church before. There were about four-six girls sitting together. When one of them decided it was time to go to the restroom or the snack bar, all of them, except my daughter. They all made sure their "buddy" went, but no one considered my daughter their "buddy." Unfortunately, she knows what is going on. She recognizes it. She's not popular, she's not in the clique.

 It's even prevalent among homeschoolers. We went to a co-op every other week and my daughter (different one) was the one not invited to the parties. She was fun to play with in P.E., and fun enough to play with every now and then, but not welcome to the parties. She wasn't loaded into the 15 passenger van with all the other screaming, giggling girls. She caught it. She knows. She's not popular, she's not in the clique.

I tell my girls it is really the parent's fault. They should teach their daughters to go outside of themselves and include EVERYONE. Not the popular ones, not all the Caucasian ones, not all the ones wearing pink jeans, but EVERYONE. If you've never been in the minority, try it. It's a must. Now. Go. Get out of your comfort zone.

There really is no excuse except selfishness. Most people today are so self-centered they can't possibly see needs outside themselves. For girls to bully and behave in such ways shouldn't really be all that surprising. I'm just surprised they learn it so young.

World Autism Day

It's World Autism Day. Until today I didn't know such a day existed. When we were trying to cope so many years ago, there wasn't much awareness at all. We persevered and did what we knew was right for our son. It was hard work, but it's said that nothing worth having comes easily.

Our son had many of they triggers for autism. We induced his birth a week early hoping to avoid a big baby, his brother was 10.10 lbs at birth and the midwife thought if we went a week early maybe, just maybe he would be only 10 lbs. Well, he didn't want to come out a week early. We had the Pitocin turned up as high as was recommended and I wasn't dilating. We turned it off and went home.

We immunized him on schedule as was recommended. He would get sick after the immunizations, but we didn't catch on to what was happening. We had five other children and were just trying to get through the day. At about six weeks he ended up in the hospital with RSV. His oxygen saturation level was in the low 80's. He was immediately suctioned and placed on oxygen to help him breathe. He was on oxygen for five days. Being on oxygen for five days is another trigger.

At three he still wasn't talking. He sounded like a Tele Tubby. Having other children who talked incessantly, and then to have one who didn't talk was a blessing, or so we thought. This was a warning that something wasn't right.

At six months his soft spot closed. He received x-rays to monitor his brain growth and bone structure to make sure his brain wasn't hitting against his skull.

He didn't potty train until he was four. He wasn't being willful. He could not control his body functions.

One day we went to a bird show at the library. This show was SO BORING!!!! The bird lady wouldn't let the kids touch the birds, they had to sit perfectly still, and her information would have bored a board. My son was not able to sit in his chair. He was everywhere-on top of the chair, under the chair, around the chair, behind the chair...you get the picture. I took him out of the building to the car and gave him a spank for misbehaving. We came back in and he tried to sit still and I felt horrible.

I knew there had to be a different way. Something was going on but I couldn't put my finger on what it was.

We went to a neuro-therapist suggested by our homeschooling group. She was not someone I recommend anyone go to, but she did direct us to an osteopath because of the early soft spot closure many years before.

This osteopath was instrumental in my son's healing. He did a complete examination of him and noticed that his body alignment was off. He tested his urine for peptides. We followed up with him for about a year until we couldn't afford to keep going.

We found that he did have peptides in his urine which meant he was on the Autism Spectrum, but he didn't have classic autism. This started us on the path of a GF/CF diet-gluten/casein free diet for almost two years.

The first week his soccer coach noticed a difference, but didn't know what it was. He asked us what was different and we told him about the diet. He started sleeping through the night within days. He always woke up about one or two in the morning ready for the day. You can imagine how tired we as parents were and so not ready to get up at that time of the day, so for him to sleep until a normal time was wonderful.

Our whole family went on the diet for one month. We purged our house of anything that contained glutin or casein. I learned how to cook differently. I used potato and rice flours instead of wheat flour. This was back in the day when eating glutin free was not popular and finding stuff for a four-to-five year old boy to eat was not easy.

Our lifesaver was Lisa Lewis's cookbooks for the  GF/CF Diet. Special Diets for Special Kids is the name of the first cookbook and has some wonderful recipes in it. Very kid friendly and doable.

My son is now a teenager and does very well. He still has some quirks about him. He's now learning at grade level. He takes his studies very seriously and is one of the nicest guys you will ever meet. He makes a mean chocolate chip cookie. We've come a long way from those days about twelve years ago. It was worth it. Every single recipe and decision was worth it. Be your child's advocate. You are the voice for your child. Find it.

Free Adoption book on Kindle

This Mean War: Equipping Christian Families for Fostercare or Adoption



I bought this book in print form several years ago and loved it. It's offered for free today on Amazon for Kindle readers. Don't have a Kindle? You can download the app to your computer and read it there. Here's a write-up I did on it a few years ago.

This Means War Write-up

World Aids Day

Today is World Aids Day. I don't know anyone in my everyday life that has Aids or HIV, but I do know plenty of adoptive families that have brought HIV+ children into their homes. Knowledge is the first step away from the fear of this disease. We are approved to adopt a child with HIV+. I wanted the approval just in case we needed it. We haven't, but I did get a bit educated in the process. We're not in the 80's anymore!




Project Hopeful video:
Truth Pandemic

You can also visit: The Farmer's Wife Tells All
to see how one family lives with a daughter who happens to have HIV.

Upside Down Christmas?

As the mom of a large family I do not look forward to Christmas for the above reasons. What if we celebrate simply? Do my kids remember what their third gift was last year? I'm already thinking that we will go to the thrift store and let the kids pick out $5 or $10 worth of gifts for their family gift swap. I do need to read with my kids more. We should play more games. That's what they'll remember. Not all the stuff that was in their stockings. How did we get to where we are? Get us off the merry-go-round, please!

For more on this topic go to That We Might Be Adopted

Youth Rummage Sale

This last week has found me busy getting ready for our church's youth group monthly rummage sale. The funds that come in go into an account for the kids that work that particular rummage sale. So far my kids each earned $30 and they can use the money towards a youth activity, camp, or a summer missions trip.

We set up on Thursday night because it was supposed to rain on Saturday and wanted to beat the rain and not get wet carrying the items from storage. Turns out it didn't rain, but it was chilly. We spent a good 2 1/2 hours setting up and the kids were very helpful carrying heavy, dirty boxes full of junk I mean stuff.

We spent a few days here and there also doing pick-ups so people didn't need to take it all the way to the church. My kids have really outdone themselves and have not complained a bit. I've taught them to work hard and don't quit until the work is done.

Saturday came bright and early at 6am. The kids started arriving to work and so did the customers. I really didn't want to price things so I let our youth pastor's wife do that since she loves doing it. I was able to talk to a lovely older woman who shops monthly. We talked about her family and how she snuck away from her son's house that morning. It had rained the night before and he didn't want her driving so she stayed there, but as soon as the sun came up she snuck out of the house and drove home, a good thirty miles. We talked about her missionary daughter and the rest of her family.

We went through each box and organized, threw stuff away and donated some to Good Will. We really pared down what we had but we still have a lot. The kids carried it all back to the storage and we'll take it out again next month. We were beat afterwards and came home to take a nap. We were SO TIRED! Our bodies were sore from all the bending. It's definitely different being in my fifties.

My next post will be about the Christmas stockings for sailors.

May the Circle Be Unbroken

Today during a dentist visit I started reading a book I bought on Ebay a month or so ago. The book is May The Circle Be Unbroken: An Intimate Journey Into The Heart of Adoption by Lynn C. Franklin with Elizabeth Ferber. Today's reading found me involved with birth parents and their stories. There were so many riveting thoughts that I finally had to find my yellow marker so I could highlight and keep track of all I was learning.

Ms. Ferber writes on page 31: "In America you cannot vote until you are eighteen and you cannot drink unil you are twenty-one, but you can sign papers to relinquish a child at any age. It is one of the only contracts a minor can sign, and it is important for parents of a young mother to help their daughter reach her own decision. "

Further down the page:   '....relatives strongly affect the adoptive decision, and a woman or young teen desperately needs her family's unconditional love and support when she is face with the overwhelming situation of trying to decide what to do. "

 One thing I have told my older kids is if they should find themselves in a situation where they are or someone they are together with is pregnant, and they are not married, to please tell us. Yes, we would be disappointed. No, it won't be easy. These are things our children should not need to carry alone. Be open with your kids. Let them know you're there for them, NO MATTER WHAT. I don't want to find out after my child visited Planned Parenthood that there WAS a pregnancy, but there isn't anymore. I would be willing to raise my grandchild. I would be willing to help my son or daughter raise their child. But I need to know. I want to be in the loop. I know I fail at every level every day, but I hope that if the situation ever arose, that I would follow God's forgiveness and grace and not my own fleshly emotions.