Aaaaahhh..........

I'm home. I haven't been "home" in days it seems like. I seem to come in, lay my stuff down and go to bed. I'm worn out!

Yesterday's soccer games went well. We had games at 8, 12, 2 & 4. Jared and Miranda came to the middle two games. After Miranda went home to go to bed; Jared came to the last game and out to dinner with us. Jake came to the two middle games too. I'm sure we make quite a site on the field; all ten of the kids were there as well as Miranda.

Today when I showed up bright and early at the field at 7:15 I was asked where my help was, meaning all my help from the day before. Let's see, bed, bed, bed, studying for SS class, bed..........I just know they weren't with me! I had six kids twelve and under, but the boys are so helpful it doesn't seem like a burden at all.

I'm getting embarrased with people telling me how wonderful I am, and what a "great" thing I did for the girls and how lucky they are. They don't know how I "do" it. Meaning they don't know how I maintain a large family, homeschool, function and look like a normal person, carry on a conversation, blah, blah, blah.

I'm never quite sure how to respond. I don't feel so wonderful. Alot of times I'm in survival mode with my family. We do the next thing. I do laundry. I clean my bathroom, which by the way could use a good scrubbing, Jesse & Sarah each clean a bathroom too. We eat out if I don't have time to cook or we keep it simple, but mostly we eat out. :-) I make sure I give lots of kisses and hugs. I yell too much, especially lately when they say stupid stuff. (My boys are chauvenistic even though they're not taught that way, I don't know where they've picked it up. John is known to say, "Get my food woman!" He tried that with his sil and she about crammed it down his throat. )

With homeschooling I ALWAYS feel as though I'm muddling through. Even now I'm wondering should we go back to the way we were learning last year? John says yes. He says our new way is too confusing. Last year I worked one-on-one with each of them. When one was done I called the next one in. I never quite feel as though I've got it together. Again, we just do the next thing.

We are the ones who feel incredibly blessed with the gift that God has given us. We haven't had a baby in our home since Joel and he was born in late 2000. It's not for lack of trying. We believe in the quiverfull lifestyle and after our first two boys we chucked the birth control to the wind. We tried to foster children through the state of California's foster care system. We were denied a license because we wouldn't fence off our seasonal creek/runoff ditch. It rains so little here in So. Cal it really would be ridiculous to put a 6ft fence the length of our property so children wouldn't drown in it. There's more danger in our three toilets and tubs than that creek.

We have been willing. That's it. We've been willing to be challenged. We've been willing to be uncomfortable. We've been willing to listen to the Lord's leading and add to our family through the blessing of adoption. We needed children and they needed parents. It's a perfect fit!We're lucky that the country of Ethiopia allowed us to parent two of their babies. For that we are grateful and we are the lucky ones.